Thursday, September 4, 2008

Serious Hipster Brawl Causes Fans at Festival to Immediately Change MySpace Statuses

Bands have been brawling since...forever. The Killers vs. The Bravery, Sarah Palin vs. Roe vs. Wade, my solo project vs. Panic! at the Disco, so on and so forth. I found out about my new favorite band brawl today when I was 'net stalking the singer from Foals because he has a slight case of the Schwartzman face.

Apparently at some festival
in Spain in July, Kele Okereke, the (black) singer from Bloc Party got his ass beat by John Lydon (Johnny Rotten, who actually now looks more like Dr. Cox from Scrubs)'s buddies because his "problem" is his "black attitude." Okereke allegedly asked Lydon if he was going to re-form Public Image Ltd. (post Sex Pistols and just as shitty) and that calls for a series of racist remarks and a knuckle sandwich or 12? While his crew was teaching Okereke a lesson for being black because they're still all sooooo punk and shit, Lydon was apparently taunting the singer from the Kaiser Chiefs and somehow the singer from Foals ended up in a sleeper hold/passed out and handcuffed. Naturally, Lydon denied the fight and tells the media to tell Okereke to "grow up and learn to be a true man," but Foals' tour manager said otherwise. Tour managers don't lie. They're not lawyers or anything. Above that, the hot one of the two dudes from Neon Neon jumps in and said that shit was scary. Not really, the word he used was "horrific." You know what's horrific, Gruff Rhys? You saying you want to dip your pinkie in. WHO GOES PINKIE FIRST?!

Good news is, Bloc Party apparently has a new album coming out in October but you can procure the digital copy when you pre-order the physical copy. Whoops. Bad news is, it's probably gonna mostly suck because "it's a break up album." Ahh fuck. They have a couple songs up on their myspace and "Signs" is a good one.

All of that aside, I really want to start arranging band fights. Celebrity Death Match style. Motorhead vs. Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, Kraftwerk vs. Crystal Castles. I'd give Kraftwerk some weapons though, since they are older than sin. Maybe some nun chucks? Oh, that reminds me, White Devin once told me not to keep nun chucks in your car because you will probably get arrested for a felony somethingerrather. Since White Devin is a pretty smart guy, you should go see him DJ at First Street in Encinitas tonight from midnight to close. We'll be there. Maybe at the Saloon first. Who knows. Also, if you are around Carlsbad or can be at 4 p.m. the California Public Utilities Commission is having an emergency public participation hearing to reconsider changing our area code to 442. It would cause a reprehensible amount of waste to get rid of the bajillions of business cards and stacks of letterhead, not to mention less eco-friendly fixtures like GIANT ASS PLASTIC SIGNS and thus, in my opinion, is environmentally irresponsible. CPUC Public Hearing: TODAY, Thursday, September 4, 2008. Carlsbad City Hall Council Chambers, 1200 Carlsbad Village Drive, Carlsbad, CA 92008.

I'll be in class at 4 p.m. trying to creep on some hotties in the MIDI lab, so I need y'all to go for me. Other than that, I'll see you tonight. In your dreams.

'stina

10 comments:

megan elizabeth said...

I just want to see foxy indie guys mudwrestling each other. Is that so unreasonable?

Your Maugham said...

I love it when bands hang out together. It's even better when they kick the shit out of each other. HOORAY!

Anonymous said...

Bloc Party are easily in the top ten shittiest bands on the planet. Maybe they'll stop making music now.

Anonymous said...

Oh, they are no longer making music? Good on them.

'stina said...

Who would you like to see take out Bloc Party, darling anonymous reader?

Anonymous said...

Well, the easy answer is Skrewdriver.

Bad Brains 25 years ago maybe. Black dudes with balls and soul versus black dudes without? That's a fight.

I suppose the best answer would be a band I really like that is currently operational and makes music that I feel really annihilates anything that Bloc Party could do AND could physically dominate Suck Party in a confrontation. That band is San Francisco's indefatigable OXBOW. They also have a negro front man but they're almost everything Bloc Party is not; intelligent, artistic, challenging. Oxbow live in a WORLD OF SHIT and the only time they come out is to throw punches and bust eardrums. They recently released a live DVD titled "Music For Adults" and I think that pretty much sums it up. Bloc Party is music for people who would be in fraternities if it weren't for them discovering that secondhand basketball sweatbands are just as easy a way to get some drunk chick pussy.

'stina said...

I almost wish you wanted to write for us.

Anonymous said...

Tell you what, I'll start a music blog. It'll be killer! Loudest blog of all time!

'stina said...

@ Darling Anonymous Reader

I wish we could pay you to write for us. I'd like to only pay you in archaic $5 bills, or killer blowjobs.

Anonymous said...

bahahahahaha