Most of you may not know that I was an award-winning world-renown journalist and gave it all up to blog. I also had an extensive ballet career I gave up to blog. Oh yeah, I was a fucking astronaut, too.
Back in my heyday I used to write an advice column because I am the perfect blend of relentless and acerbic. You know where this is going...
If you are just befuddled about something, anything, shoot us an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll make fun of you and stuff.
In other news, Katy Perry is in trouble with Jesus:
As my trouble-making super-villain alter-ego Consuela Gorgonzola would say, "Oh guuuuurl!"
Excuse me, I have to go pat my weave and do some probably illegal shit at work since SOMEONE doesn't know how to book appointments without double booking both artists.