I fucking despair

Robert Smith just had a really bad day, y'all. The Cure released an e.p. with five remixes of songs from their upcoming, untitled double album, remixed by people like Pete Wentz, some guy from Fall Out Boy and Jared Leto. Dudes, this is going to be really hard for you to believe, but those guys aren't even the reason he had such a bad day. Check out this letter he posted to the Cure site:

PLEASE DONT BUY HYPNAGOGIC STATES EP FROM ITUNES FOR £7.99

IT IS ABSURD!

TMU HAS MANAGED TO FUCK THIS UP TO ANOTHER LEVEL!

MY EMAIL TO THEM TODAY IS BELOW
ITS EASIER THAN WRITING IT OUT AGAIN NICELY...
(THOSE OFFENDED BY COLOURFUL LANGUAGE LOOK AWAY NOW)

>

DEAR...

I FUCKING DESPAIR
AGAIN

HYPNAGOGIC STATES EP IS NOW UP ON UK ITUNES...

5 TRACKS FOR £7.99?
FOR FUCKS SAKE!

AND THE PACKAGE IS COMPLETEY MISSING THE EXTRA BONUS TRACK (65DOS ALT REMIX OF "THE ONLY ONE")

SO
YOU CAN BUY THE FOUR REMIXES BY 30STM/AFI/MCR/FOB INDIVIDUALLY FOR 79P EACH...

BUT YOU ONLY GET THE 65DOS "EXPLODING HEAD SYNDROME" REMIX OF ALL FOUR SINGLES IF YOU PAY £7.99 FOR "THE ALBUM"...

IE YOU ARE BEING ASKED TO PAY £4.83 FOR THE 65DOS REMIX... !!!
WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO PAY THIS AND NOT FEEL TOTALLY RIPPED OFF?

IT'S NOT A FUCKING ALBUM!
IT'S A 5 TRACK EP
AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET AN EXTRA FREE TRACK (THE 65DOS REMIX OF "THE ONLY ONE") IF YOU BUY IT AS A 5 TRACK EP
AND ITS SUPPOSED TO COST LESS IF YOU BUY IT AS A 5 TRACK EP THAN IF YOU BUY THE 5 TRACKS INDIVIDUALLY...

THAT IS WHAT WAS AGREED



THIS IS SO TOTALLY WRONG
I REALLY DO FUCKING DESPAIR

WHY IS IT SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO GET ANYTHING DONE RIGHT?



PLEASE FIX THIS NOW

>

I AM POSTING THIS AS I FEEL



UPSET!

ANYWAY
PLEASE ONLY BUY THIS 5 TRACK EP FROM ITUNES WHEN IT IS AVAILABLE FOR AROUND £4.00 OR LESS AND YOU GET THE FREE 65DOS T.O.O REMIX - IT'S FAB AND THE MONEY (WELL - OUR SHARE OF IT!) IS GOING TO A GOOD CAUSE...

THIS GOES FOR ANY OTHER ITUNES STORES AROUND THE WORLD

LIKE JAPAN...

ONWARDS...
RSX

So basically, he's saying buy it for charity but don't pay too much. Just kidding, Old Bob cares about us. That's why we care about him. I think one of their silly English dollars is almost two of our solid, steady American ones, so that would be around $14 for five songs. Fucking outrageous! I fucking despair too! Even though I have no intention of purchasing said e.p., Robert Smith, I salute you. Fight the power!

The Pony Girl Club presents: A Race for The Cure

I can't figure out why Canadians love us so much, I talked so much shit on them in our first vlog. I called them a godless people, I asked if they knew what shoes were and I asked if they even have a government. Why do you like the abuse, Canada?

But this here is Amurrica. You know what Amurricans love? Besides parking rusty Mercury Comets on thinning lawns and savoring a Miller High Life (protesting Budweiser since Stella Artois bought them out)? Running to raise money for shit. At least, white upper middle class Amurricans do. We are gonna get on that bandwagon right quick with our own 5/10/whateverK fun run/Edgar Allan Poe-try reading to raise money to help Robert Smith lose some weight. Our seriously gothy coiffed friend is getting a little hammer-assed and we're not going to sit around watching him pound buckets of KFC until he hits orca status and starts wearing muumuus like 85% of his fans. We'll announce more info as we secure the location and decide a time and date, but get your finest tragically ripped fishnets and doc martens ready. Oh, and don't forget your running shorts, dudes.

We are doing this because (mostly because Megan got a little tipsy at stone steps and blurted it out) Robert Smith currently has the sex appeal of a school bus fire (thank you Greg Giraldo for using that in the Bob Saget roast). I'm pretty sure Fat Bob has worn the same outfit since the Trilogy DVD. When I say "the same" I mean he can't get it off and probably showers in it. If he showers...

If you're still not all that convinced, check this out:


Okay, so he wasn't that great in the first place but look at that ham hock of a neck! WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!

In addition to the Race for The Cure, we are putting together a compilation CD of Cure cover songs called "Fatflowers: Trimspa worked for Anna Nicole Smith" that will be sold to cover the costs of my drinking problem to fund Fat Bob's trip to fat camp. A tentative track listing is as follows:

1. Let's Go to The Gym
2. Fatsong
3. Friday I'm Bulimic
4. Just Like Cheetos
5. Killing a Fatty
6. Burn (calories)
7. Close to Thin
8. In Between Diets
9. Fatscination Street
10. Pictures of Cellulite


I hope we can count on you, darling readers, to help make this a success! In the meantime, here are a few Cure videos, in order of increasing weird gothyness/fat.

A Forest:




Let's Go to Bed:



and a recent live video, this one is dedicated to Jenni, The Love Cats:




don't make me savor the metallic aftertaste of disappointment alone,

'stina.