any little article will do

The other night at work, I found myself in a bit of a spat with my manager Dan, or as I like to call him, my Danager. Apparently he was not amused by my antics which include but are not limited to: sexual advances on my superiors and my equals, exaggerated whining and nagging, meowing, gossiping, frequent references to the movie Office Space, defacing the hospitality bulletin board, creation of a stupid-customer bingo game, stealing from the gumball machine and several well timed remarks of the "that's what she said" or "that's not what you said last night" variety. I thought long and hard (that's what she said) about what to do to correct the situation. I decided that in my cash-out I would include several Canadian pennies that had made their way into my coin purse and which I have been hoarding as our economy collapses. Every little bit helps.

As I gave him my little folder I pointed out to him that I had given him my Canadian pennies. "Why on Earth would you do that?" He sighed in exasperation. "Give me some REAL money."

"Canadian money is worth more than ours now." I replied. "I want you to have it."

He sunk into a nearby booth, stricken with emotion. I continued to stock and clean my tables. After several minutes had passed, I noticed he was still sitting there, frozen in his grief. His eyes were red and a glistening film of moisture clouded his gaze. "Damn them." He whispered, clenching his fists. "Damn them all to Hell."

If our restaurant was located any higher off the ground, I might have had to talk him back from the ledge. This is what I would have said:
Dan, I know things look bad right now. Those darn Canadians, they just come in here with their flappy jaws and their maple syrup and my favorite bands and they steal our jobs and make our women's loins burn with desire. But America is strong Dan, Americans are strong. The people in power have fucked us six ways to Sunday and the next people in power will most likely do the same, but there are still things to live for. Do you like cats? Of course you do. What about beer? Everybody likes beer. The American dollar is weak, but the American band is strong. At least TV on the Radio is strong.



Yes, I HAVE been told that I would make an excellent candidate for Vice President. I'm kind of mavericky like that. TV on the Radio is mavericky too, as evidenced by these promotional videos for Dear Science.



HOW DO THEY KNOW I'M HIGH?


But seriously folks, it's a damn good album. The only surprises are good ones. In the first half, slower songs like "Stork and Owl" and "Family Tree" break up the frenzied energy of the two singles without dragging the overall energy level down. Later on they treat us to a song about the whore of Babylon and they wrap the whole thing up with a pretty red ribbon called "Dogs of Light".
So shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.
xo
megan elizabeth

I'll meet you where the river forks...shit, I'd meet you in a pit of fucking snakes

There are very few Sunset Rubdown songs (when I say "Sunset Rubdown" I also mean the piss-poor quality solo recordings) I don't have. When I say that, I mean there are like two. That I know of. It's kind of creepy that I have the last few years of Spencer Krug's activity chronicled in my pocket anyways, but it's cool you guys. No big deal.

Rationalization aside, I was trying to figure out those god-forsaken myspace playlist things and found some old-ass songs the Krug probably recorded in the basement of his apartment building (do they even have apartments in Canada, or just huts?) that I imagine is smack-dab in the middle of a town square that looks like that village in Beauty and the Beast. One is called "It Wouldn't Let Them Down" and the other is called "Give Up On Your Ghost." The former is more standard noisy Krug shit involving a guitar and an accordion, while the latter sounds more like David Bowie in Labyrinth and Danny Elfman picked up a player piano and simultaneously Being John Malkovich-ed our Tiger Beat centerfold.



Awwww, look at that guy! It's like one of those pictures of a smiling kitten:

God, I love kitties. In case you didn't catch that link above, THIS was the only place I could find those songs. Seriously, I tried. I might have to e-mail the dudes over at Snakes Got A Blog, 'cause I know they got 'em. One of the places I tried was the Sunset Rubdown threads over at the Wolf Parade forums, to no avail, obvs. but I did find videos people were posting from the shows on the EAST COAST TOUR they recently got to go to. There were a few videos of new songs but apparently Jordan (not the Deep Sleepover dude, he's too busy making good music) asked the youtubers to take them down. Bummer. What are we supposed to do? Y'all don't tour here (or anywhere near the West Coast), so we're supposed to pretend it's not 2008, act like we don't have technology to pry into shit and just sit on our hands 'till the new record comes out? Yes, that would be polite but GODDAMMIT.

I need to go file my talons into points now, so here's a video from two couple days ago, filmed AT A SHOW WE COULDN'T GO TO BECAUSE IT WAS ACROSS THE DAMN COUNTRY AND OUR ECONOMY IS SHITTY AND WE'RE STUDENTS THAT DON'T MAKE ANY MONEY. It's one of our favorite songs, "Shut Up I Am Dreaming of Places Where Lovers Have Wings:"



'stina

idle songs

The internet has been down at my dwelling so for the last day and a half I have wandered in the wilderness. It wasn't so bad. I made a game of it. I pretended I was in Canada. Did you know that in Canada it's always winter and never Christmas? It is a joyless life the poor oppressed people of Canada live. I don't know how they find the resilience of spirit to make so much damn good music.

Here is an example of a typical music video in Canada.



To be clear, I fucking love Frog Eyes despite never really knowing what the hell he's talking about (feelings that I can't quite verbalize?), but look at this, look at the fear and pain in their eyes. They are clearly victims of the society they are rebelling against.

The only good thing about Canada is that I think they have a lot of maple syrup and therefore must eat pancakes and waffles all the time. And french toast too. French toast is the best.

One time I was cleaning out my closet and suddenly I was in a snowy wood and I thought I was in Canada but it turns out my room is just really messy. Sucks dude. And when we talk about (aboot?) Canadians loving us, we are really talking about two dudes who left us comments on the youtube. Just to be clear. Now, if you will excuse me, I must get back to my three volume novel and my needlework. It's Victorian day bitches.

The Pony Girl Club presents: A Race for The Cure

I can't figure out why Canadians love us so much, I talked so much shit on them in our first vlog. I called them a godless people, I asked if they knew what shoes were and I asked if they even have a government. Why do you like the abuse, Canada?

But this here is Amurrica. You know what Amurricans love? Besides parking rusty Mercury Comets on thinning lawns and savoring a Miller High Life (protesting Budweiser since Stella Artois bought them out)? Running to raise money for shit. At least, white upper middle class Amurricans do. We are gonna get on that bandwagon right quick with our own 5/10/whateverK fun run/Edgar Allan Poe-try reading to raise money to help Robert Smith lose some weight. Our seriously gothy coiffed friend is getting a little hammer-assed and we're not going to sit around watching him pound buckets of KFC until he hits orca status and starts wearing muumuus like 85% of his fans. We'll announce more info as we secure the location and decide a time and date, but get your finest tragically ripped fishnets and doc martens ready. Oh, and don't forget your running shorts, dudes.

We are doing this because (mostly because Megan got a little tipsy at stone steps and blurted it out) Robert Smith currently has the sex appeal of a school bus fire (thank you Greg Giraldo for using that in the Bob Saget roast). I'm pretty sure Fat Bob has worn the same outfit since the Trilogy DVD. When I say "the same" I mean he can't get it off and probably showers in it. If he showers...

If you're still not all that convinced, check this out:


Okay, so he wasn't that great in the first place but look at that ham hock of a neck! WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!

In addition to the Race for The Cure, we are putting together a compilation CD of Cure cover songs called "Fatflowers: Trimspa worked for Anna Nicole Smith" that will be sold to cover the costs of my drinking problem to fund Fat Bob's trip to fat camp. A tentative track listing is as follows:

1. Let's Go to The Gym
2. Fatsong
3. Friday I'm Bulimic
4. Just Like Cheetos
5. Killing a Fatty
6. Burn (calories)
7. Close to Thin
8. In Between Diets
9. Fatscination Street
10. Pictures of Cellulite


I hope we can count on you, darling readers, to help make this a success! In the meantime, here are a few Cure videos, in order of increasing weird gothyness/fat.

A Forest:




Let's Go to Bed:



and a recent live video, this one is dedicated to Jenni, The Love Cats:




don't make me savor the metallic aftertaste of disappointment alone,

'stina.