Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I'll Make Love To You (Like You Want Me To)

So a couple of amigos of mine went up to mother fuckin' LA last night to see Mogwai at the Wiltern. They asked me to go but I said no because Mogwai sucks. The Wiltren is a pretty nice place though—except it's a little big and the tickets are a little pricey and the beer is fucking extortion. I saw the Mars Volta there back in 2004—which if you're keeping track is just before they entered their all-consuming black hole of suck.

Anyway, thinking about Mogwai got me thinking about post-rock. Why do people still like it? I mean, sure, it was pretty cool back when it was pretty new and different and like “totally out there," but that shit got so stale so quick. I think I blame those turd merchants in Explosions In The Sky. They're pretty much the Vanilla Ice of post-rock. Which is pretty tough to do because there's a TON of shitty post-rock out there. Like, a ton. Mainly because it's taught a whole new generation of assholes that they don't need to worry about being able to play the guitar anymore—they can just play a few notes and then fuck with pedals. Sweet! Oh and it eliminates the need for a singer, because I think we all know the hardest thing to find in a high school band is someone who doesn't totally blow at singing. Well, drummers used to be hard to find too, don't know if they still are, mainly because i'm not in high school anymore.

Back to the point: I fucking hate Explosions In The Sky. Like, great, you make music that sounds like a reverb pedal and a splash cymbal thrown into a blender and set to pussy. I swear to god they only have two songs: that one with all the reverb that eventually crescendos and the one with all that reverb that doesn't eventually crescendo. Want to know how they decided to mix it up for their newest release, “All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone"? They added piano. YEAH, PIANO. Fuck. What, did you guys suddenly realize in the middle of one of your ballroom dance competitions that piano is totally sweet? I'd rather listen to Cradle of Filth's cover of "Hallowed Be Thy Name." “All Of A Sudden I Miss Godspeed You! Black Emperor" is more like it.

This music, to me, just sounds like it was all made with a montage of “main character dealing with hard times” in mind. It's just so fucking vacant to me. It's about as real and emotional as a greeting card or Al Gore. But of course it's sappy and “pretty” and “dreamy” or whatever. Which just means they're going to be the official wedding reception soundtrack for every single scenester wedding for the next 15 years. Congratulations, you're Boyz II Men for the white belt crowd.

And I also hear they're notorious for pussing out on shows all the time—like either canceling or calling it quits after like 15 minutes because “they're tired." Seriously? What, is having to man more than one Line-6 DD4 and a Holy Grail at the same time too much work for you? Are you guys late for a knitting class? Or do you just really miss your fucking girlfriends? Ugh. Maybe they just figure that after more than two songs everyone in the audience will realize that they only have two songs and get pissed. But then again their fans are like 16 and stupid as fuck. They're the same 16 year olds that think the Blood Brothers rule. Does not fucking compute.

But this all comes back to Mogwai. I don't hate Mogwai like I hate Explosions In The Sky. They've been around and they seem like hard-asses. Plus their music isn't bad, it just doesn't do anything for me. “Mogwai fear Satan” is a pretty good song.



megan elizabeth said...

Drummers were definitely the hardest to find in high school.

And at first I thought this was somehow going to turn into a post about Boys II Men and I got really excited.

That is all.

'stina said...

Every time you post, I regret less and less agreeing to letting you be a part of the club.

Boyz II Men for the white belt crowd...oh jesus. I almost lost it on that one.

But seriously, put your punctuation marks inside your quotation marks and I might say something nice. Not even like a backhanded something nice.

Dr. Bubastis said...

I generally forget to do it with commas because it has never felt right to me. I'll make more of an effort.

Grenva said...

i try to remember punctuation because i suck ass at spelling. i went to an "explotion in the sky" concert at soma last july. i totally thought it was a musical light show. now it's like watching a six hour dramatic scene from "friday night lights."

'stina said...

@ Dr. Bubastis

Good puppy.

@ Grenva

Writing proper doesn't matter to you because you're a jaded artist or some shit. Or filmmaker, whatever the kids are calling it these days.

megan elizabeth said...

I feel like I've been told to put punctuation both inside and outside the quotations at various times in my life so I sympathize with the doc. Some of us just don't know what's right.

ps ponygirl meeting? We clearly have a lot to discuss.