Sunday, September 7, 2008

Bitch, hold my hoops so I can beat your ass

I decided sometime last week it would be really funny if I listened to nothing but The Wu-Tang Clan for a week and documented what happened. It was a really bad idea. I already had an ethnic crisis in high school when I decided I wanted to time travel to the 70's and be in the Black Panther Party. What the fuck did my parents do to me? Jesus.

So, I'm on the tail end of day three right now. I have naturally curly hair but I straighten it because I like to whip my silky mane around in people's faces, especially if I am dancing. Today I woke up and decided not only did I not feel like bathing, but I wanted really fucking huge curly hair. By the time I got to work and had three back-to-back appointments I was in no mood for sass. Recently (seriously, only in the last week) people have been doing this thing where they raise their arm and flick the air with their index fingers as if they were scratching another mark onto an invisible snooty tally keeping track of god knows what- basically the most offensive way you could get a waiter/waitresses' attention. Mind you, I am not a waitress and will not be treated as such. I'm not rude to guests, by any means, but bitch please what do you think this shit is? Chili's? No, I will not take your goddamn order and in fact I am going to go spin around in a salon chair a few times and clean my brushes. I suddenly felt drunk with power. The Wu-Tang enabled me to not allow myself to be treated like a doormat! Throughout the day, I noticed a few more things that were out of character for me, like saying things along the lines of "janky-ass weave" and "trick-ass-lyin'-ass-bitch." I haven't really done anything else weird except do a double take walking past a package of spinning faux-chrome hubcaps but I'm pretty sure I would have done that without the Wu. Maybe. Come on, it's not like I'm doing the Wu-Tang dance every time I have to take a shit or something. For fuck's sake, you guys.

I'm a little bummed about the Wu-Tangxperiment right now because I kind of wanted to come home and harmonize some cadences to Pavement because I'm stuck in the 90's.

You guys enjoy these Pavement videos while I go wrap my hair into my headscarf for sleepin'.

Spit On A Stranger:

Cut Your Hair:

Shady Lane:

and dedicated to Jenni, Summer Babe (live):

Pony Girl Club ain't nothin' to fuck with,



Dr. Bubastis said...

remember when Pavement was on Space Ghost?

'stina said...

Yeah. What I can't figure out is why Susan Powter was the first AND last guest. Weird.

megan elizabeth said...

You talk about janky ass weaves all the time!

jenni said...

your dedications make me feel really good about myself.