(You're writing songs that sound kind of like) Rick James(' songs), bitch.

There hasn't been too much going on around here and when I say that I mean I am up to my ass in alligators and can't figure out which review or interview to start on because they're all so overdue but I can't bring myself to do anything but wear my sleeping mask like a headband, sit in my bed picking at my newly-acquired auto harp callus and read Jezebel.

Monday, we didn't exactly get too dirty. It was kind of a giant brodeo. Lots of backwards baseball caps and conductor hats. It was like BROstoyevsky invited his army of BROmo sapiens. Jenni and I ended up sitting on her floor for a while (waiting for a gentleman caller) with her cat, armed with a fluffy thing with a bell on a string, the entire Pavement discography and sangria and stone pale ale (respectively, not mixed). Somewhere after admitting I have a horrifying inner monologue, especially during inopportune moments (I'm listening to Carrot Rope right now dude, internet knucks!) , we discovered myspace karaoke. This shit is quite alarming, yet I'm sure Megan and I will get drunk and do Mariah Carey at some point. On Monday, however, it seemed like a good idea to yell Celiene Dion in the wee hours of the morning and that's when we found it. Superfreak. After giggling for a minute, Jenni said "Hey you know what song sounds kind of like Superfreak? It's A Curse."

Dudes, it's true.





Who would have guessed Spencer Krug wold try to put himself in the running to be the next king of punk-funk? Not I.

Another one she pointed out was Beck's "Scarecrow" to "Like a Virgin." I agree, but also think it's a little like Depeche Mode's "Policy of Truth."

Some kids and their damn Beck fan videos:


Like a Virgin:



Dave Gahan is a hot old man and I'd totally still hit it from the back:


I'm not calling a Vanilla Ice or anything here, it's merely amusing that we can make genre-crossing connections. With that said, I'm inventing a Pony Girl Club drinking game (I'll probably be drinking while I play it anyways, might as well make it a drinking game) that is similar to the six levels of Kevin Bacon game. How do you go from Spencer Krug to us in three moves? Bid on us for the dirty pillow cancer auction and you'll find out!

I have to go wash the dye out of my hair now, I look like Erykah Badu but white and with saran wrap.

'stina

Oh yeah, if you're not doing anything tonight, come down to the 710 Beach club (I swear it's not a South Beach gay bar like The Birdcage) to see the Oddfellows and Gurtrudestein. I will not, contrary to popular belief, behave like a reprehensible jezebel this time.

Gurtrudestein: Not a sit-down band

Last night I dragged Mattcarr down to the Second Wind MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE to see The Oddfellows and Gurtrudestein at what initially appeared to be parent teacher conference night. Seriously, was it parents night? The Oddfellows to started late because of "the game" but still played a tight, impressive set. These dudes always blow my mind but get better every time I see them. The banter was good, I like necrophilia jokes that make people leave the venue. Also, it appeared some of them decided to get dressed or some shit which was cool because it didn't look like some random guy just walked onto the stage and picked up an instrument. They have this new-ish song they've played the last two times I've seen them and it's about ghosts or something but it's reeeeeeeally good and I wish they would put it on their myspace. Hint, hint. AHEM.

Next up was Flight or Fight (their name always makes my brain feel like it's having a user error because it wants to think it's Fight or Flight but maybe that's the point. Stop mindfucking me you guys, ask first!) and Mattcarr said they kind of reminded him of early No Doubt. Quick unrelated rhetorical question- what's worse than Christian ska? Nothing. Ska is the most annoying thing in the world (even more annoying than steel drums, Dr. Bubastis) and then add Christianity to it? Oh man. Moving on...

Second to last were the Unruly Bangs. They're a little more sinister version of a lot of the bands from 2000ish that I wonder what happened to. The slightly mod rock bands, like Vue. But with a chick singer, and more impressively a singing chick drummer. They were fun and it definitely didn't hurt that one of the dudes has a slight case of the Jemaine (Flight of the Conchords).

There was a moment of panic before Gurtrudestein played in which I realized I forgot to go to Gaytar Center to get those fancy-ass "I can still hear you talk but I'm not gonna be deaf as shit by the time I'm 35" ear plugs, but having one less drummer changed everything. I've become slightly notorious for bitching about shit being loud and have upon occasion been internet fodder because of it, so I said something dumb like "so are you ready to get pretty seriously aurally raped?" to Ryan without thinking about that thing where "aurally" sounds like "orally." Yikes. But in all seriousness, they fucking destroyed. They played in the dark, barely lit by the flicker of the projected film clips that consume the back wall of the stage, made a lot of noise and a Sarah Palin joke. What else could anyone ask for? In zealous noise-rock, there is a fine line between being noisy and being dissonant. I'm the resident black metal elitist, I know a lot about dissonance, trust me. This time around, their set felt more cohesive and was enjoyable. One thing that really stands out about Gurtrudestein is their energy. They're not playing for the Matlock crowd and it's hard to want to sit down. Amy has a powerful voice, but doesn't rely on that alone. They all get so into IT, that it starts to feel like an unharnessable force. I guess what I'm getting at is seeing Gurtrudestein is like watching the Large Hadron Collider actually work.

They're playing again Wednesday, with The Oddfellows at 710 Beach Club in Pacific Beach. Check it out. I'll be there, trying as hard as I possibly can to not look like I fit in anywhere in PB.

As for tonight, the Saloon in Encinitas will be as dirty as always, as will I and my usual crowd of misfits (and maybe more!). Gabe Vega is spinning, Mac is filming, some other guy is taking pictures, and some other people are doing other stuff too. $3 well you-call-its from 8-10 p.m. (Jenni and I have to eat dinner and watch Gossip Girl so I'm def. not going to be there before 9:30)

I have to go shuffle around my house and listen to "Dear You" while I get ready for work now.

'stina.

p.s. If you're gonna play spin the bottle with Gurtrudestein, prepare to lose so hard it's not even funny.

"I just look up and you guys are hugging on the snack aisle?!"

I have been so fucking sick that I can't do anything but sniffle a lot and seek revenge on my classmates by writing E sharps instead of F naturals and laughing maniacally before collapsing into a coughing fit. And of course, buy shoes and gaze longingly at Victorian ladies' hats on the internet.

I've seen this picture floating around the internet and it makes me so mad I want to paint tiny pentagrams and upside-down crosses on my fingernails:


I feel like that photo alone makes everything that is wrong with San Diego/Riverside County tangible. Maybe I'm just bronley and need bromance and that's why I feel raw, unadulterated hate boil in my veins when I see shit like that. It might just be vodka. After all, I am feeling a little provodkative. With that said, I need someone to help me clip my weave in for Dirty Monday.

Other stuff going on in the not too distant future includes but is not limited to:

Tuesday:

Karaoke Contest at Penny Lane Pub in San Marcos. This is the second to last week to snake into the finals. Prize money! Beer! YEAH! (I will obviously be there since I am a judge)

Gurtrudestein with Rambo Knife and Ed Mudshi at the Radio Room (used to be the Zombie Lounge)

Wednesday:

The Oddfellows at Cane's. Obviously, I will be at that show since I am half of their fans. Also, because I have been trying to get Matt to let me play tambourine or some shit for like...years, now. There are two acceptable excuses for not coming to this show. One, is if you are on the terrorist watch list and will probably be sniped entering the venue, two is if you are in Gurtrudestein and are playing at O'Connells. Even then, it's barely excuseable. I'm still raising an eyebrow. It's their last show with one of their drummers so I guess I should stop being such a heinous bitch. I think I know which one, because they use codenames and shit. We talked to him for a while at the last show we went to and he is a pretty cool dude.

Saturday:

These Arms Are Snakes and Lanterns at The Che. This show might be awesome (if These Arms Are Snakes haven't turned into a bunch of fucking fruitbaskets in the last couple of years) but I don't want to talk about why I'm not going.

Tuesday the 23rd: Silver Jews at The Casbah. FUCK YEAAAAH. I told the Good Doctor that if Stephen Malkmus shows up I'll drop trou instantly. Are you a starfucker if you only go after dudes that were in 90's indie rock/early noise pop bands that never really achieved commercial success? I didn't think so either.

Which reminds me, I know it's a little early to start talking about Halloween but I want to make sure y'all get your plans straight. Our friends The Mistits (half of them are in the Emery Byrd) are playing their final show at Bar Pink. Yeah, John Reis' bar. Yeah, The Swami. BE STILL MY HEART! I'll probably be a zombie again, like I am every year. I really fuckin' love zombies though.

mixin' cocktails with a plastic-tipped cigar,

'stina

Who here is into DEAD CHICKS?

These dudes are:

the Oddfellows @ Dreamstreet


I'm pleased to finally make The Oddfellows Pony Girl fodder, as they are playing at Cane's on the 17th. I know it's a Wednesday, but quit being a bitch. Learn to rage. Learn from us. Matt Fitzgerald (previously referred to as "Fitz"), the singer/songwriter/guitarer is one of my favorite people in the entire fucking universe and is enormously talented. The problem is, the universe won't give him a break. If you like the 90's, drunk chicks and some good old-fashioned shredding, come to this show and hang out with us! If you're a hot dude we'll totally carpool with you! On the flip side, if you're gonna pussy out, at least check out their myspace and maybe pre-order their album, "Accidents Happen."

In other local bands that have members that are acquaintances of mine news, Gurtrudestein put out a video last week (or something, my time table is always a little fuzzy). They play a lot of shows, so if you feel like getting your face melted off and having tinnitus for a few days, hit one of them up. Yeah, it's loud and I'm old and grouchy and complain a lot (about everything) but these dudes (and chick) are fucking rad.

"Negative Field:"


If y'all will excuse me now, we're getting hyphy tonight. I already got my weave in, gotta find my dunks.

goin' dumb at the sideshow,

'stina

Time for ear plugs

Megan suggested it was time for us to get ear plugs at Xiu Xiu when I asked her how many decibels it took to explode your eardrums. I felt the same way last night. I am getting old and in the best interest of having a career in the next 10 years I should probably not finish going deaf. Apparently regular exposure over a minute to 110dB will fuck your shit up. 110 is like a chainsaw. I should probably stop running around my yard waving a chainsaw wildly. Without, ear plugs, that is.

I feel a little more deaf today thanks to Gurtrudestein, mostly. I dragged the Matts with me to middle of goddamn nowhere to see the aforementioned Gurtrudestein with Death on Mars and AmbiDextrose, a bunch of local bitches. When I say middle of goddamn nowhere I mean there is a venue in the middle of goddamn nowhere called "Second Wind." Fitz was pretty excited because he wanted to check out the venue, I guess some dude has been on his balls about playing there for a while. Good news is, the sound is not bad. My rule of thumb is look at the sound guy when you walk in- if he has dreads, hoof it out of there. If you haaave to stay, get as drunk as possible. Anything sounds awesome when you're wasted.

We sauntered in halfway through AmbiDextrose's set and I was pretty pleased. It's just some chick drummer with her dude guitarist and a laptop. Sometimes I get really uppity about people using technology where they should have band members, but I didn't feel that way at all. The flip side of that being uppity business is that I am really enthusiastic about artists using technology to their advantage to not be restricted in playing by not having a full band. The samples and shit were appropriate accents that didn't distract from them actually playing. Well done.

Next was Death on Mars. They added the Pony Girl Club myspace a while ago so I had already listened to them (yeah, big surprise there. Sometimes I actually listen to the bands that add us). They are pretty good and I would be willing to see them again. Especially since they are playing the Leucadian on the 18th. Everyone knows how sketchy the Leucadian is, but everyone also knows the Saloon is down the street.

Speaking of the Saloon, IT'S DIRTY MONDAY!!! Man, I am seriously getting to love Dirty Mondays. Gettin' down with Gabe Vega, some good drank, makin' friends and gaining fans. What
more could we ask for? Well, a lot. I'd like to not turn back into a pumpkin at midnight, for one. I digress.

Last up was Gurtrudestein. One of my favorite things about their performance was the use of visuals. They had video clips being projected onto the wall behind them and kind of just played in the dark. I was into that because from what was going on with the lights during the first two bands made me think someone had just permanently set phasers to "get retarded." This band is loud as all get out though, seriously. I still feel kind of fuzzy. I know being loud is cool or something (I was in a black metal band in high school, I know all about loud being cool) but it's at the point where none of us could understand a single word and the vocals became kind of this droning background noise, which they shouldn't be. Y'all have fantastic voices and we want to hear them! I think (especially after discussing it with Fitz, who infinitely knows more about the dynamics of live sound than I ever will) that a lot of the problem lies in having two drummers. I started out being excited, thinking it would add some mystical layer of depth but was wrong. I just felt kind of stabby after a while. Fitz felt like everyone else had to be ludicrously loud to try to be heard and that one drummer would fall behind during the fills and stuff and the other would try to adjust and it just didn't work out. I agree because saying "I feel stabby" isn't very articulate. That is my only grievance with the band, other than their recordings not doing them justice. They haven't been together that long so I will cut them some slack (which happens...never, I am the Tabatha Coffey of the music reviewing world) because they are technically sound and fantastically talented musicians.

Maybe an ocean is found in a lake,

'stina

Who goes pinkie first?

I am too tired to write a blog that is anything but a serious bitchfest about my personal life turning into bullshit and the Mozy Cafe running out of beans for my burrito after serving 16 people before me that ordered after me. You guys seriously fucked up and now I am going to cry about it on the internet. Take that, fucking assholes. At least Rico's always does good by me. You people (Canadians) that are not in San Diego just don't understand the importance of burritos. Everywhere else you guys are all like "omigawd yeah I love burritos! Let's totally go to Baja Fresh/Chipotle/La Salsa today! Cool!" SUCK IT.

Anyways, if you are still living in 1998 and think punk is cool, check out Gurtrudestein. They are playing a show tonight, here is the info:



I have to go summon Satan to help me pick out an outfit now.

'stina