Sunday, September 28, 2008

Well, that ought to be easy for a genuine son of a bitch

I'll be honest with you guys right now- I don't know where the Doctor is. Part of me thinks he is in his lair, fiendishly twisting his moustache, plotting some evil shit. Part of me thinks David Berman from the Silver Jews showed up in his parlor to beat his ass because our fine Doctor probably lurched at Cassie Berman. The rest of me thinks he has probably just been partaking heavily in spirits, rendering him unable to write as the pine-scented devil (gin) toils in his brain. Alls I knows is that I am suffering from a few ailments currently- hysteria, asthma and Dr. Bubastis withdrawls. They might all be the same, I don't really know.

In recent-ish news, Paul Newman fought the cancer and the cancer won. Some of you might be familiar with him because of his tasty snacks and salad dressings, some of you might be familiar with the amount of money he donated from the post-tax profits of his tasty snacks and salad dressings sales (over $220 million) and his encouragement for corporate philanthropy but some of you might be familiar with him because of his acting:

Megan would want me to say that some of you might be familiar with Paul Newman because of his pretty serious case of the hot, but I feel yucky thinking about Paul Newman being hot because he and my dad kind of looked alike back in their heyday. You're calling bullshit, already? Well, check out this fine picture of an issue of Playgirl my dad was in back in '77 when he was like 30:

Yeah, I found that shit on Ebay. Look at that fucking jumpsuit, dude. Or is that a romper? Either way, dudes don't got steeze like that no more. Now before you bobcat (male cougars) hunters get all worked up, he now looks like a cross between a fat Mikhail Baryshnikov and Bob Kelso from Scrubs, acts like a cross between Matlock and Robocob and enjoys Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, yachts, anti-wrinkle serums, Jesus and posting on San Diego Chargers related-forums. Oh, and textually harassing his tech-support girl.

God, I don't feel like writing any more about my weird dad even though I know you guys are chomping at the bit and some of you have been for years. No, I won't give you the issues of Playgirl I found in the garage. No, I didn't look at the dick pics, I shrieked like a banshee and threw the box across the garage and have yet to venture to that side again. No, I won't scan them in for you guys. UGH.

Anyways, The Jealous Girlfriends have a new video out for "Organs On the Kitchen Floor" and DAYUUM am I into it:

Organ On The Kitchen Floor - The Jealous Girlfriends

Time to go inhale my steroids so I can pump some iron,



megan elizabeth said...

My mom always claims that my dad used to look like Robert Redford. If our dads' powers combined, they could have been Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Dr. Bubastis said...

that's not a jump suit, it's a SPEED SUIT.

and I am sorry for my lack of contribution as of late. I have been busy planning multiple bank heists, kidnappings, etc.

And for the record I did invite Cassie Berman back to my parlor, but she graciously declined. She's quite the lady.

'stina said...

@ Megan

If our dads were such Casanovas, how did we end up such misanthropic, bookish nerds?

@ Dr. Bubastis

I heard about a failed robbery attempt at my bank, could you not fuck up my ATMs plz thx?

Grenva said...

to megan: i love robert redford. BADASS in "Sneakers" and "Spy Games."

to stina: favorite blog yet. had to look up the word "misanthropic" to understand. hehehehe.

jenni said...

jewdad just looked like every other jew with a jewfro. that playgirl thing must be kinda traumatizing.

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