Always better to over-fierce than under-fierce

There are a lot of things that I need to address in a very short amount of time, so I'm going to do so in a series of letters. Bear with me.

Dear Michael Crichton,

You picked a terrible day to die. It will eternally be overshadowed by Barack Obama's historic victory. Regardless, thanks for writing Jurassic Park.


Dear Barack Obama,

Don't make me eat my words (vote) on this one, dude. Congratulations though.


Dear California,

You fucked up.


Dear Really Excited Probably Gay Guy and His Wife Beard in front of us at Madonna,

You suck. You are seriously one of the most annoying concertgoers I have EVER experienced. Your relentless jumping and fist-waving prevents the rest of us from seeing shit. Emmanuel didn't pay $800 to see you fucking flailing around with your butt buddy. I was so happy when you got kicked out for like a minute, because I could see without distraction, but then you were allowed back and made an even bigger commotion I silently wished the lasers were real and would sweep into your row. I don't care if it took down your wifebeard as well as your molecular biology professor buddy and his mail order bitch, it would be worth it. God, lasers are cool.


Dear America,

You're a system that doesn't really work all that well, but at least (like the Good Doctor says) you've officially got soul.


Dear Pharrell,

Baby, why wasn't you there? So disappointed. I would hit that front, back, side to side. Yeeeah.


Dear Lady in the bathroom that told me I look like Katy Perry,

No, I don't. Yeah, I kissed a girl. It wasn't that great. Rather kiss a dude.


Dear Madonna,

I used to think you were a cold, money mongering robot that had a couple good songs back in the day. Last night, I found out that you are a human. A tiny, muscly human that could probably go to town on some garlic fries, but nonetheless a human. I was surprised at how much you actually sang as well as how steady and clear you were. I guess it makes sense, you are the self-proclaimed Queen of Pop. I'll be honest, when you fucked up the words to "Ray of Light" and attributed it to being "so fucking happy" that Obama won, it warmed my icy heart. Slightly. Thinking you were human made me remember being a wee toddler, wearing a leopard print silk scarf and diaper, dancing around my living room with my mom's microphone to "Lucky Star" while my mom did her Step workout. So I guess, in a way, my parents have you to blame for all this "I'm a jaded musician" bullshit I've put them through. One of my favorite things about you is that your songs don't sound identical to the album, they're unique to the tour, but in a good way. The metal version of "Hung Up?" LOVES IT. Your performance transcends just music, or just dancing. The videos, the sets, the lasers, EVERYTHING. The costumes? Amaaaaazing. They're all Givenchy and I heard you spent over $1 million on swarovski crystals alone. You had these amazing satin boots:



but this was one of my favorite outfits:


Girl, you so FIIIIIERCE!!!I'm sorry that San Diego sucks. Emmanuel told me the floor people get really serious and decked out in couture so I had to be really fierce but it was a bunch of old white people with too much goddamn money. Truth is, I'd rather over-fierce.


'stina

We Are 138 (and covered in corn syrup)

"Dude, this is like one of the best shows I've ever been to."

"Mmhmm."

"They're so funny, it's just like-"

"OHMYGOD she just ripped the heart out of the girl dressed as Todd Palin and said 'that adorable lumberjack didn't see it coming!'"

Megan and I went down to North Park to hang out with The Mistits and catch their show at Bar Pink Elephant. For those of you that made the very poor decision to not join us, you missed the best show of your life and for those of you that are performers, you missed a serious lesson in showmanship. The Mistits are without a doubt, the best live band I have ever seen with the natural exception of Wolf Parade/Sunset Rubdown/any time Spencer Krug is on a stage. I have never in my show-going career witnessed explosive energy like I did on Halloween.


I didn't take that picture because all of mine turned into bullshit thanks to the smoke machine and the Tall Guys Club meeting in front of us, but thanks to whoever did. If you want me to put your actual name, I'll do that too. Back to the show, I don't really remember what they played too well because I am shitty at remembering set lists but I recall enjoying the panty-dropping strange juxtaposition of a blood-spattered Jackie O wailing the words to "Last Caress." Megan isn't even into the Misfits and had a fantastic time. That said, I hereby present (on the internet) the first ever Pony Girl Club "Best Halloween Ever" award to The Mistits. We love you guys. No, seriously. It is, however, safe to say I do not want to see a certain Peruvian hold a cigarette with his ass ever again, though.

When in doubt, rip someone's heart out,

'stina

p.s. here is a video of Barack Obama dancing on Ellen:

Gurtrudestein: Not a sit-down band

Last night I dragged Mattcarr down to the Second Wind MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE to see The Oddfellows and Gurtrudestein at what initially appeared to be parent teacher conference night. Seriously, was it parents night? The Oddfellows to started late because of "the game" but still played a tight, impressive set. These dudes always blow my mind but get better every time I see them. The banter was good, I like necrophilia jokes that make people leave the venue. Also, it appeared some of them decided to get dressed or some shit which was cool because it didn't look like some random guy just walked onto the stage and picked up an instrument. They have this new-ish song they've played the last two times I've seen them and it's about ghosts or something but it's reeeeeeeally good and I wish they would put it on their myspace. Hint, hint. AHEM.

Next up was Flight or Fight (their name always makes my brain feel like it's having a user error because it wants to think it's Fight or Flight but maybe that's the point. Stop mindfucking me you guys, ask first!) and Mattcarr said they kind of reminded him of early No Doubt. Quick unrelated rhetorical question- what's worse than Christian ska? Nothing. Ska is the most annoying thing in the world (even more annoying than steel drums, Dr. Bubastis) and then add Christianity to it? Oh man. Moving on...

Second to last were the Unruly Bangs. They're a little more sinister version of a lot of the bands from 2000ish that I wonder what happened to. The slightly mod rock bands, like Vue. But with a chick singer, and more impressively a singing chick drummer. They were fun and it definitely didn't hurt that one of the dudes has a slight case of the Jemaine (Flight of the Conchords).

There was a moment of panic before Gurtrudestein played in which I realized I forgot to go to Gaytar Center to get those fancy-ass "I can still hear you talk but I'm not gonna be deaf as shit by the time I'm 35" ear plugs, but having one less drummer changed everything. I've become slightly notorious for bitching about shit being loud and have upon occasion been internet fodder because of it, so I said something dumb like "so are you ready to get pretty seriously aurally raped?" to Ryan without thinking about that thing where "aurally" sounds like "orally." Yikes. But in all seriousness, they fucking destroyed. They played in the dark, barely lit by the flicker of the projected film clips that consume the back wall of the stage, made a lot of noise and a Sarah Palin joke. What else could anyone ask for? In zealous noise-rock, there is a fine line between being noisy and being dissonant. I'm the resident black metal elitist, I know a lot about dissonance, trust me. This time around, their set felt more cohesive and was enjoyable. One thing that really stands out about Gurtrudestein is their energy. They're not playing for the Matlock crowd and it's hard to want to sit down. Amy has a powerful voice, but doesn't rely on that alone. They all get so into IT, that it starts to feel like an unharnessable force. I guess what I'm getting at is seeing Gurtrudestein is like watching the Large Hadron Collider actually work.

They're playing again Wednesday, with The Oddfellows at 710 Beach Club in Pacific Beach. Check it out. I'll be there, trying as hard as I possibly can to not look like I fit in anywhere in PB.

As for tonight, the Saloon in Encinitas will be as dirty as always, as will I and my usual crowd of misfits (and maybe more!). Gabe Vega is spinning, Mac is filming, some other guy is taking pictures, and some other people are doing other stuff too. $3 well you-call-its from 8-10 p.m. (Jenni and I have to eat dinner and watch Gossip Girl so I'm def. not going to be there before 9:30)

I have to go shuffle around my house and listen to "Dear You" while I get ready for work now.

'stina.

p.s. If you're gonna play spin the bottle with Gurtrudestein, prepare to lose so hard it's not even funny.

Time for ear plugs

Megan suggested it was time for us to get ear plugs at Xiu Xiu when I asked her how many decibels it took to explode your eardrums. I felt the same way last night. I am getting old and in the best interest of having a career in the next 10 years I should probably not finish going deaf. Apparently regular exposure over a minute to 110dB will fuck your shit up. 110 is like a chainsaw. I should probably stop running around my yard waving a chainsaw wildly. Without, ear plugs, that is.

I feel a little more deaf today thanks to Gurtrudestein, mostly. I dragged the Matts with me to middle of goddamn nowhere to see the aforementioned Gurtrudestein with Death on Mars and AmbiDextrose, a bunch of local bitches. When I say middle of goddamn nowhere I mean there is a venue in the middle of goddamn nowhere called "Second Wind." Fitz was pretty excited because he wanted to check out the venue, I guess some dude has been on his balls about playing there for a while. Good news is, the sound is not bad. My rule of thumb is look at the sound guy when you walk in- if he has dreads, hoof it out of there. If you haaave to stay, get as drunk as possible. Anything sounds awesome when you're wasted.

We sauntered in halfway through AmbiDextrose's set and I was pretty pleased. It's just some chick drummer with her dude guitarist and a laptop. Sometimes I get really uppity about people using technology where they should have band members, but I didn't feel that way at all. The flip side of that being uppity business is that I am really enthusiastic about artists using technology to their advantage to not be restricted in playing by not having a full band. The samples and shit were appropriate accents that didn't distract from them actually playing. Well done.

Next was Death on Mars. They added the Pony Girl Club myspace a while ago so I had already listened to them (yeah, big surprise there. Sometimes I actually listen to the bands that add us). They are pretty good and I would be willing to see them again. Especially since they are playing the Leucadian on the 18th. Everyone knows how sketchy the Leucadian is, but everyone also knows the Saloon is down the street.

Speaking of the Saloon, IT'S DIRTY MONDAY!!! Man, I am seriously getting to love Dirty Mondays. Gettin' down with Gabe Vega, some good drank, makin' friends and gaining fans. What
more could we ask for? Well, a lot. I'd like to not turn back into a pumpkin at midnight, for one. I digress.

Last up was Gurtrudestein. One of my favorite things about their performance was the use of visuals. They had video clips being projected onto the wall behind them and kind of just played in the dark. I was into that because from what was going on with the lights during the first two bands made me think someone had just permanently set phasers to "get retarded." This band is loud as all get out though, seriously. I still feel kind of fuzzy. I know being loud is cool or something (I was in a black metal band in high school, I know all about loud being cool) but it's at the point where none of us could understand a single word and the vocals became kind of this droning background noise, which they shouldn't be. Y'all have fantastic voices and we want to hear them! I think (especially after discussing it with Fitz, who infinitely knows more about the dynamics of live sound than I ever will) that a lot of the problem lies in having two drummers. I started out being excited, thinking it would add some mystical layer of depth but was wrong. I just felt kind of stabby after a while. Fitz felt like everyone else had to be ludicrously loud to try to be heard and that one drummer would fall behind during the fills and stuff and the other would try to adjust and it just didn't work out. I agree because saying "I feel stabby" isn't very articulate. That is my only grievance with the band, other than their recordings not doing them justice. They haven't been together that long so I will cut them some slack (which happens...never, I am the Tabatha Coffey of the music reviewing world) because they are technically sound and fantastically talented musicians.

Maybe an ocean is found in a lake,

'stina