Hotties of the week: Foals

I want to meet guys like this so I can axe them if they have hot friends or a hot dad. Swear to God it works every time.



Who: Foals, self-described "snotty art school drop outs hungry for the dollar". Baby, I got a box of dollars under my bed, I promise.

What: Pop music that doesn't make me want to stab myself in the eardrums.

Where: Oxford, UK

When: They're going to be in SD for Street Scene on the 19th. I would buy myself a ticket if I didn't suspect that being outdoors all day would kill me. I'd probably die of melanoma that night.

Why: Why are they hotties of the week? Seriously? You need to axe me that?

Peter Gabriel never feels unnatural

Spencer Krug is known as the king of lyrical mystique (at least to us...) but you don't have to write about minotaurs shaking their horns at you or riding around on a leopard to befuddle me, apparently.

The original LOLKrug:



Yeah, he does. No, I can't. Homeboy evades questions regarding the meaning of his lyrics like nobody's business.

Back to what I was really supposed to talk about, Vampire Weekend has a new video out for "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" and I went to look up the lyrics to make a snarky joke in the title and found myself more befuddled than ever. The lyrics have given me a headache worse than that time I tried to translate Devendra Banhart's "Carmensita" lyrics (I kept telling myself Venezuelan gypsy Spanish is different than SoCal white bitch Spanish), mostly because shit don't make sense. Devendra can wail about shaving his rebellious beard with a sword and three-eyed extra terrestrials all he wants because that's what I expect from his crazy-ass.

Here is an excerpt of the "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" lyrics, the ones that drive me nuts:

Is your bed made?
Is your sweater on?
Do you want to fuck?
Like you know I do
Like you know I do

This feels so unnatural, Peter Gabriel too
Feels so unnatural, Peter Gabriel

Can you stay up to see the dawn?
In the colors of Benetton

First of all, who fucks with a sweater on? Where are these dudes from again? They met at Columbia University, yeah? Oh yeah, that's right, the boat shoe band. That explains a little bit, like the luxury brand name dropping that takes place in the first line of the song and again with the Benetton. God I am sick of seersucker. I really like their music but I am pretty mad about their lyrics sucking. I guess not everyone can be Spencer Krug. The other thing I am pissed about is the video sucking. It's directed by the same dude that did the "Oxford Comma" video, Richard Ayoade. The only video I like is "A-Punk" and I don't know if he did that one. I don't really know if I like him as a director. I know he's a big fancy-ass English comedian but I don't like his frames. I have a right not to, Okay?! The concept for the "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" video is stupid, goth girl catches the singer with some slut in a Laura Ashley dress and takes him out in the woods and zaps his soul and POOF! Vampire weekend turns into The Cure. I know it's supposed to be a joke but literally, THE ONLY redeeming thing about this video is how hot these dudes are when they're goth. I'm also protesting Richard Ayoade directing any more Vampire Weekend videos because he doesn't give the keyboard player enough screen time. He's the hottest dude in this piece and we never see him. I vote they hire Hype Williams and get that sexy piece of man meat keyboardist in one of those "Mo' Money Mo' Problems" red shiny sweatsuits ASAP.

Anyways, the video:



I have to go figure out how to break into a Country Club now so Megan and I can rehearse the Krug ballet. If I don't post for a couple of days it's probably because I got arrested.

dangerous on trizack, leave your ass blizzack,

'stina.

You're so hot you're making me sexist. Bitch.

I don't have a grip of time for complaining today, unfortunately for y'all. I know that's your favorite part to read. My trivial complaints about Costco (still Price Club).

So, in lieu of "so and so cut me off on the freeway," or "I'm a white upper-middle class trust fund bitch and my life is hard," I'm going to do a quick News Flash.

Cursive was one of the first indie math-punk/whatever bands I got into back in the day when Saddle Creek/Vagrant/Deep Elm were my main source for band discovery. Apparently these dudes are still around- sans original drummer (he left because he felt his life calling was really taking care of Whippets) and are recording a new album. I didn't say shit was gonna be epic, I just said they were recording. They did Daytrotter a couple months ago because Daytrotter is the new Jenkem and everybody's doin' it.

I like low-budget videos and I like this song:



The other "news" I have is about a local band that sucks less than a lot of local bands, but mostly they just have a really fierce case of the hot. Megan and I accidentally saw War Stories at this 30+ hipster bar downtown because we were going to some assbag's art show and they turned out to be kind of awesome. We decided they were all just sitting around one day and one of them was all like "hey so we are all REALLY hot, we should make a band or something" and that's how War Stories came to be. I'm just kidding, I'm sure they're talented musicians or something like that. At any rate, they are apparently releasing an album but haven't released a lot of information regarding it yet other than a CD release show at the Casbah on August 18th. You can bet your ass we will be there, heckling away.

Official video for "Lion:"




treating men like objects and objects like men since '99,

'stina