The other night at work, I found myself in a bit of a spat with my manager Dan, or as I like to call him, my Danager. Apparently he was not amused by my antics which include but are not limited to: sexual advances on my superiors and my equals, exaggerated whining and nagging, meowing, gossiping, frequent references to the movie Office Space, defacing the hospitality bulletin board, creation of a stupid-customer bingo game, stealing from the gumball machine and several well timed remarks of the "that's what she said" or "that's not what you said last night" variety. I thought long and hard (that's what she said) about what to do to correct the situation. I decided that in my cash-out I would include several Canadian pennies that had made their way into my coin purse and which I have been hoarding as our economy collapses. Every little bit helps.
As I gave him my little folder I pointed out to him that I had given him my Canadian pennies. "Why on Earth would you do that?" He sighed in exasperation. "Give me some REAL money."
"Canadian money is worth more than ours now." I replied. "I want you to have it."
He sunk into a nearby booth, stricken with emotion. I continued to stock and clean my tables. After several minutes had passed, I noticed he was still sitting there, frozen in his grief. His eyes were red and a glistening film of moisture clouded his gaze. "Damn them." He whispered, clenching his fists. "Damn them all to Hell."
If our restaurant was located any higher off the ground, I might have had to talk him back from the ledge. This is what I would have said:
Dan, I know things look bad right now. Those darn Canadians, they just come in here with their flappy jaws and their maple syrup and my favorite bands and they steal our jobs and make our women's loins burn with desire. But America is strong Dan, Americans are strong. The people in power have fucked us six ways to Sunday and the next people in power will most likely do the same, but there are still things to live for. Do you like cats? Of course you do. What about beer? Everybody likes beer. The American dollar is weak, but the American band is strong. At least TV on the Radio is strong.
Yes, I HAVE been told that I would make an excellent candidate for Vice President. I'm kind of mavericky like that. TV on the Radio is mavericky too, as evidenced by these promotional videos for Dear Science.
HOW DO THEY KNOW I'M HIGH?
But seriously folks, it's a damn good album. The only surprises are good ones. In the first half, slower songs like "Stork and Owl" and "Family Tree" break up the frenzied energy of the two singles without dragging the overall energy level down. Later on they treat us to a song about the whore of Babylon and they wrap the whole thing up with a pretty red ribbon called "Dogs of Light".
So shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.