Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Clean Up on Aisle Tuesday: Jenny Lewis' cloud is lined with bullshit

Jenny Lewis once again topped the charts of StereoGum's Gummy awards in the Indie Rock Crushes category and I am right behind her on the "talentless hack" chart.

Zooey Deschanel took number one, thank you Satan, she actually has a beautiful voice and is legitimately hot. I'll be a little too honest right now, the first time I heard She & Him's "You Really Got a Hold on Me" nearly made my eyes sprinkle and it has definitely found its way onto my romantic weekend playlist, so Deschanel is totes deserving of numero uno in my mind.

However, Lewis kept second this year and I am FURIOUS. To add insult to injury, I was already mad that Captain Ginger Wonkeye (Thom Yorke), the guy that looks like he is 12 from that boat shoe band (Vampire Weekend), Skeletor from Deerhunter (Bradford Cox) and Ryan Adams and his heroin problem beat out Spencer Krug on the dude's list so a big thanks to the parade of idiot voters for rubbing some Rilo Kiley salt (the ouchiest kind) in that wound.

I am going to face some serious social backlash for talking shit on Jenny Lewis, but I don't care because you can't pull the child actor wool over my eyes. Why am I so FURIOUS? There is nothing especially unique about Lewis' music or voice that warrants any sort of list-topping fuckery. She has that spun-sugar default indie-rock girl mewl and lyrics that don't really speak to me other than on how to end up fucking a guy you've been trying to not fuck:

"I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything
And the talkin' leads to touchin'
and the touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left."

To me, being an Indie Rock Hottie means having a relatively impressive body of work AS WELL as having a relatively impressive body. At the end of the day, Lewis is generic, bland and overrated.

This song (Silver Lining) comes on the XM at work and Jenni thought it was Jewel until I set the record straight. The video for this song features Lewis and her poor piano posture (bend your fingers, not your wrists, helloooooo. Have fun getting carpal tunnel!):

Last year's list featured ASCAP Vanguard Award winner Natasha Khan (Bat For Lashes):

who is a total fucking badass (bitch she play autoharp like us) and is much more deserving of a spot on the list, but also featured Joanna Newsom:

who can take her Christian Louboutins and hippie bullshit and kiss my black ass. You win some, you lose some. This shit is either way rigged, or people are just incomprehensibly fucking stupid. I mean, come on, Sigur Ros got 8th in Best Live Act, which tells me the Stereogum voting crowd is into mediocrity and napping. Moral of the story is, watch your votes because you might piss me off.

Still a hair away from corybantic about us not even getting an honorable mention for best music blog,



megan elizabeth said...

wait wait wait, slow down. Did you say Joanna Newsom wears Louboutins? Huh?

I think we may need to make our own lists of crushes, indie and otherwise. I have this feeling that dudes voted for other dudes that they want to be instead of ladies voting for dudes who are actually attractive.

Dr. Bubastis said...

I was watching MTV2 the other night and I saw a She & Him video. I was like, damn who is this hot chick with M. Ward?

And yeah fuck Jenny Lewis.

jenni said...

i'm so glad you mentioned me thinking she was jewel. i fucking hate jewel. which means i hate jenny lewis. i don't know if i really hate her, that was kind of harsh, but i'm definitely not into it.

jes`si`ca. said...

jenny lewis sounds like honey on steroids to me.

i don't think think anyone means that in a good way. i remember this live song and she complained that the microphone smelled like wet dog. i have so much more love for a wet dog.

I do like zooey tho. but none of those other people you mentioned. however--dresden dolls have atleast two good songs.

jenny k said...

i love jenny lewis. i used to not love her solo stuff but then i saw her live and now i want to make out with her and conor oberst at the same time. also deerhunter is freaking sweet. also she and him makes me want to shove steeel wool into my ears, which is odd because i love m.ward more than i care to admit. that whole album is drivel. UGH. i'm hungover and PISSED.

hotel 3 stelle rimini said...

I agree with you, definitely :-)